Like jokes

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

Why was Stephen Hawking always like this 🫠?

Because he didn’t have emojis on his computer.

Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."

You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

Yo hairline is built like the Mississippi River.

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

I like CHEESE!

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.

Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!