Like jokes

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

I like penguins.

I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

I love you like my cuts.

Deeply.

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men. 25 at a time.

I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

Why does air not come down? I think gravity didn't like the Facebook page of air.

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or Starbursts, and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, Izzy.

I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.

What song is the most annoying for a Serb?

Sweet Home Alabama (because it sounds like Sweet Home Albania)!