Like jokes

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.

Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Which company likes Jesus the most?

IHS Markit!

Youtubers say like and subscribe!

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

What day does Venus like?

SATURNday.

Sans: "Like, I'm so *flabbergasted*."

Gaster: "👌☼⚐ ✌☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☼✋⚐🕆💧 ☼✋☝☟❄ ☠⚐🕈✍"

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

Karma is like rape.

What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

Your hairline [is] so bad it went down like the Twin Towers.