My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesnโt know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I canโt deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner ๐ฝ
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely canโt look down.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
How does a rapper like his eggs?
Hard-boiled, to match his beats!
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
