Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
