Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?
They’re jealous that autism can speak.
(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).
Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
What's the difference between George Floyd and Joe Biden?
They both talk like they're on fent.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
Your gene pool is more like a gene puddle.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
How do rappers like their pizza?
With extra bars and dough!
