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How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Frenid: R u gay?

Me: Yes u

Frenid: No I am bi.

Me: Dang it!

Frenid: What?

Me: I like u.

Frenid: Ok I like u to.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."