Like jokes
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
Think like a proton--stay positive!
Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."
I don't like jokes.