Like jokes
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
I yam a food lover. I also like sweet potatoes.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
Trump's cabinet are like panties. Some crawl up your butt, some snap under pressure, and some actually cover your butt when you need them.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
Why does everybody like the sun? Because it's hot.
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Hello, I'm hahaha. What do you call a funny rubber toe?
Roberto!!~!~!!! AaaaAQAAAHAHAHAA. And like hahaha, what's wrong with airline food? They're not black and they're not people.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
I like turtles.