I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
Nuns be like: Can I spread the word, but check for you?
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
BLM be like black lives matter everyone in this chat :). BLM= Bang Local MLFS.
Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.
*also him*
Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
Did you know, the average gay person likes men?
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.
Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?
'Cause they're dark.
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Your hairline is so far back you look like Frankenstein.
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Russians be like: "bfddrhnnkhsaxbjk speak English!"
