Like jokes
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
FREE MY ÑIGGA EDP HE INNOCENT ONCE UPON A TIME I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND HE FARTED SO GAHDAMN MUCH INTO MY MOUTH THAT I STARTED DROOLING A HERSHEY WATERFALL THIS ÑIGGA IS SO SEXY AND I LOVE WHEN HE SITS HIS FAT ASS ON TOP OF ME TYSON U JUST JEALOUS YOU AIN’T GOT NO ONE LIKE BRYANT U RETARDED LOOKING ASS BITCH I DARE YOU TO GET A PARTNER AS LOYAL AND INNOCENT AS EDP FREE MY ÑIGGA BIG HOMIE CHEESE HEAD 474747 HE INNOCENT.
People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes. It's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them, or even a place to charge them even if they did have one.
Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
I bet you like men!
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Your mom is just like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down her hair, she lets everyone down! OHHHHH!
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
You're built like a double cheeseburger.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
A cat in the desert be like:
YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drama queens be like: =- (