Light jokes
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.
I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite button?
Light mode.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The w.
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.