Light jokes

Friend 1: *turns off lights*

Friend 2: *is there with us*

Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why did the sun go to church?

Because it needs Jesus.

How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

What did the feather say to his wife?

You light my day.

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

Your forehead's so big, Jupiter's moons look up to it.

If you shined a light on it, it would reflect and be a star in the Andromeda galaxy.

Your forehead's so big, it's the main foundation for the wall of China.

Your forehead's so big, it makes up half of the Milky Way's mass.

Your forehead's the reason why the Earth still spins.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.

When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.

When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.

When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.

God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?

What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.