Light jokes
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌
Vote for the better joke!
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
the best light skin stare
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
The sun is already bright, stupid!
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
Sun.
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
Why does the Sun go to school?
To get brighter!
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
Q: What kind of building weighs the least?
A: A lighthouse!
Where does bad light end up at?
In prism.