When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
Light Jokes
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.
How do you know you are blessed by God?
You don’t laugh at, make light of, or enjoy the evils and suffering people are inflicting on themselves and upon each other.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What did the feather say to his wife?
You light my day.
Ask a darkie for a light.
Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles.
Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?
Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh
In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same
Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?"
Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh
In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same
Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
