Light jokes
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
Why did the caretaker of the Twin Towers get sacked?
He left the landing lights on.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because you can take it so quickly.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.