Light jokes
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.
You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.