"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Light Jokes
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
Why did the caretaker of the Twin Towers get sacked?
He left the landing lights on.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
