Lifestyle jokes

I wish my grass was emo, it would cut itself.

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still falling.

How do you make an emo mad at you?

Cut the rope.

Why was the emo jealous of the orange?

It came precut.

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang off trees.

An emo tried to high-five a tree.

It left him hanging.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.

Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?

A: A jolly rancher.

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?

Fruit Loops.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers.