Life jokes
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their family.
What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Memes
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
A: Who can tell me a joke?
B: Life.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?
Parents' evening.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Kid: Hey, why am I an orphan?
Adult: I don't know, ask your parents.
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?
One is beautiful.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.