Life jokes
What's life if you don't have one...
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Why do orphans not like Family Guy? Because they have family.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.