Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Me: Hey, mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
Who needs April Fools?
When your whole life is a joke?
Adriano loves life
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my like a joke
yo mama so fat even God could not life her spirits
Me: the man sleeped in a $200 bed i He's hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coughing My friend: there cheaper at Costco Me: oh shit your going to have "fun" this weekend
Me:Help I'm stuck in a trap Friend:What kind? Me:It's called life, yeah I've been trying to get out of it for 6 years now, it just won't let me go. Friend:That's not funny.. Me:Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to. Friend:I'm calling your mom. Me:She knows. Friend:Whats she doing to help, then? Me:She's supposed to help? Friend:Have you told your dad? Me:I will when he comes back. Friend:Where is he? Me:I don't know he's been gone for 15 years. Friend:.... Me:What? Friend:Why? Me:Why what? Friend:Why would you joke like that? Me:I was joking.. Friend:I know. Me:Oh. I didn't know. Friend:... Me:Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow..Maybe..
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favourite...
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
Why did the cliff feel offended? Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life. (I'm sorry...No I'm not)
Get a fucking life ya horny bastards
What is the definition of a woman? A life support system for a vagina
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Don't say your life is a joke because jokes have meaning.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes and every one is trying to shit on ya.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
