Life jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
My life.
Kill me, please.
Have you ever been eight before?
You were between 7 and 9.
Life.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Your life.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Your life.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My life.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.