Life jokes

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

How did you get that? Used your life savings?

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

You know Sally? She's dead now.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars... that's why there are no signs of life there.

Your life (ಥ ͜ʖಥ).

If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

Here's a joke: Your life.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

Gloves!

JK, he hasn't opened it yet.

My life.

Kill me, please.

Have you ever been eight before?

You were between 7 and 9.

Life.

Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.

There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!

Your life.

I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.

What do you call a person whose heart stopped?

Dead.