Life jokes
My life.
Kill me, please.
Have you ever been eight before?
You were between 7 and 9.
Life.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Your life.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Your life.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My life.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.