Life jokes
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
I want to die.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!
My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.
Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.