Life jokes
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
My whole life.
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Yo life.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?
Diabetes.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."