Life jokes
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My life.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
My life, lmao.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Life is all that matters.
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.