Life jokes
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
My entire existence.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
These jokes make me want to die.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Submit a joke :-)
Your love life.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
When you breathe.
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.