Letter jokes
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
Why do risky people have cats?
So they have 10 lives with them.
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
There is no "W" in the word "Africa," just like there is no water.
Nope, nope, and nope.
What is Hitler's favorite letter?
Not-Z.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
What does a student always get on an alphabet test?
A!
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Dear Slim Shady,
balls.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
What does the 'w' in Africa stand for? Water.
Why does an orphan start with an "O"?
Because they only see their parents in their dream.
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.