My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

Why did the legless kid think he won a race?

Because everybody already left.

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You’re armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

A man has a terminal illness and isn’t sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says “Depends, what time is it?” The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?“ Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1”

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Why didn’t the Japanese guy get a high five?

Logan Paul left him hanging

where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? – Mumbai!

There was a mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three. 1-2-… and he left without a trace.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

My father left me at a young age

He was only five

John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme. When he got back to put the thyme away he relized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing it was just a big waste of your thyme.

Why was sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.

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