What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us…

Trump’s medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

Once my dad left to get milk then I realized we own a cow.

Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic? A: Right where you left em.

What’s the difference between my dad and my step dad? My step dad beat my ass before he left

Susie was in her mother’s room one night. As her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse, her boobs plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will i get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few year’s. Her mother told susie to find her father and say goodnight. So susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering . Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father’s dick. Shocked, susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, he said susie would get it after her mother went to bed .

My brother finally got his driver’s license, so he took our new car out for a spin. At least now I can have his phone he left.

Did you hear about the guys hole left side got cut off! But he’s all right now

Dear algebra, I don’t want to find your X. I don’t know Y she left you.

Is it all right… When there is nothing left?

After an explosion at a French cheese factory… all that was left was De Brie

So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless

did you ear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? well, he’s dead.

The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

“People need me for my excellent medicine!” and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,

“People are in need of my great knowledge!” and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

“You are to young. Take the final parachute and go.” The geek instead says,

“No, there are two parachutes left, the ‘smart’ one took my backpack.”

Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch

How many ears does Captain Picard have? – Three: A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.

What did the right eye say to the left?—Between you and me, something smells!

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot, then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted “Next time don’t forget the coffee!”

What’s the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don’t watch right and left before crossing the road.

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