Left jokes
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?
What did Britney Spears’s left leg say to her right leg? Nothing they’ve never met
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.
When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
My mom left me at a very young age.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.
For I have everyone's IP address.