Leave

Leave Jokes

Emo

I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

Tree

One day, there are friends having fun.

Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."

And they all agree.

Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.

Parrot

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

Cow

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

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  • School Shooter

    VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.

    DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

    Vote for the better joke!

    Orphan

    A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

    Rape

    My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

    Marijuana

    Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

    They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

    Man

    22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

    31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

    Atom

    Why did the electron leave the atom?

    Because it wanted to be Argon.

    Shooter

    VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.

    LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

    DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

    Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

    Cowboy

    A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

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  • Sausage

    Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

    Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

    Guy 1: Don't you?

    Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

    Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

    **Meow...**

    Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

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  • Exam

    There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

    Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

    Bell

    The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

    The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

    Department

    The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

    Einstein

    Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

    Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

    Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

    To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"