Leave Jokes

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

What did Cinderella leave at the ball?

Her virginity.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up. DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

Vote for the better joke

..., I'm gay.

A. No

B. Maybe

C. Leave blank

D. Yes

lol

The meme depicts a person pretending to be asleep on a couch to be left alone by their family. The image shows a man with eyes closed in the left panel and the same man smiling with open eyes in the right panel. The text says, "when you on the couch pretending to be asleep so your family leaves you alone but one of them says something funny."

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it wanted to be Argon.

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month. - LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up. DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

Guy 1: Don't you?

Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

**Meow...**

Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party? (Part 2) To leave everyone SPEECHLESS

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!