Leave Jokes

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years? Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave the for the milk

for charlie damelio fans my basement is your home now leave a like if you agree with me

Did you leave your hairline at the airplane cus it's going up

whats a similarity between harvey weinstein's pants and american bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party? (Part 2) To leave everyone SPEECHLESS

Fineman, Einstein and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says "it appears we're inside a joke".

Einstein says "but only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously".

To which Schrodinger says "if someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving".

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you, I hope Scotland gets freedom I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

(Kids Doing A Science Project.) Kid 1. Did you bring Uranus?

Kid 2. Never leave home without it.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village

All pac my bags

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a beer one for him and one for the giraffe. After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door. The bartender says "Stop! you can't leave that thing lying on the floor" The man says "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe".

A Chinese Drunk and a Jewish Drunk are sitting together on a park bench...

After finishing his drink the Jew takes his bottle and *smashes* it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" ask the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.

"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.

The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle, and *smashes* it over the head of the Jew.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.

"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.

"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.

"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg.... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

>Sell PC >Go to Croatia >Try to fly to the US to meet female >US wont let me in >End up in Norway >female leaves me >Female gets arrested by feds >Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics

Just another day in the defib life

Hey guys! Ello here with a update! I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to downtown disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that, then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay til midniht, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!