Leave jokes

A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

Guy 1: Don't you?

Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

**Meow...**

Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party?

To leave everyone SPEECHLESS!

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔

Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?

The emo doesn't fall.

Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

(Kids Doing A Science Project.) Kid 1: Did you bring Uranus?

Kid 2: Never leave home without it.

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

How do you surprise a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?

He wanted them rusted.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.