Leave jokes
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesnât have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? Itâs not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Whatâs the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
I just got my doctorâs test results and Iâm really upset about it. Turns out, Iâm not gonna be a doctor.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I donât even care.
Today, I asked my phone âSiri, why am I still single?â and it activated the front camera.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, âI really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!â
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
Donât challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless youâre prepared for the reaper cushions.
I donât have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. âYou canât cut me down,â the tree exclaims, âIâm a talking tree!â The man responds, âYou may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.â
My mom died when we couldnât remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to âbe positive,â but itâs hard without her.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both canât be found.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Do you know the phrase âOne manâs trash is another manâs treasureâ? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, âThis isnât working.â Iâm not sure what heâs talking about. I opened the fridge door and itâs working fine!
Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasnât a mourning person.
Itâs important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words âantidoteâ and âanecdote,â one of my best friends would still be alive.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I donât find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Give a man a match, and heâll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and left. Right.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, âDo you have any last requests?â âYes,â replies the murderer. âCan you please hold my hand?â
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
You know youâre not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Whatâs red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
What did the Titanic say as it sank? Iâm nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, âBach, Bach, Bach.â
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. Theyâre always so twisted.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they donât live in a swing state.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.
Youâre not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
Whatâs the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers.
I made a website for orphans. It doesnât have a home page.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isnât talking to me.
Why canât Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because heâs dead.
Kiwi's forehead is so big when he leaves to go to work he has to use a sunroof to drive. đ
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
Leave a like if you LOL at this joke!
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?
A European.
Whatâs the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
Why did the nerd get scared of the emo? Because the nerd likes to leave the emo hanging.
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles.
Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?
Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh
In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same
Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?"
Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh
In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same
Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first.