Learning jokes

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?

Ketchup!

Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.

Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.

If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?

Because they'll cause a car crash.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?

... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.