Practice jokes
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
I think
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.