Law jokes

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?

Fitting it in.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I'm illegal.

What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?

One is wanted.

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!