Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
