"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Law Jokes
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.
