Law jokes
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.
Why did the ducky get arrested?
He got caught selling quack.
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
"White on white crime, well ham rights crime anyway in Eastern Europe right now!"
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!