Law jokes

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?

The kids section.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Why did Sally cross the road?

She didn’t wear her seatbelt.

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

Are you George Floyd?

'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.