Law jokes

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

What's the difference between me and a rapist?

He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.

She was just 7 years old.

"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Why did Sally cross the road?

She didn’t wear her seatbelt.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!