Law jokes
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Memes
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Justice for all!
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.