Law jokes
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.