Law jokes
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.