Law jokes
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁
In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
There was a big problem yesterday.
My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?
Reading her rights!
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
How do you get away with rape?