Law jokes
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.