Law jokes

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

What does a middle aged man live in?

A retarded kid he keeps in the van.

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?

Musical electric chairs.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Why did I f*** my dad?

So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?

A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

Worst joke ever.

How do rappers stay organized?

They keep their rap sheets in order.

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just hacked the "chrime."

Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.