Law jokes
What do you call an orphan at a construction site?
Child labor.
What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?
"I was raped raped."
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
Why does an orphan commit a crime?
Because it wants to be wanted.
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.