Law jokes

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

What is the most common crime in China?

Identity fraud.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

Age is just a number,

Jail is just a room.

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?

Because they wanna be wanted.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.