Law jokes

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

What is the most common crime in China?

Identity fraud.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?

Because they wanna be wanted.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.