What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
