A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Female Rights?
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
