Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
Law Jokes
Why did the police play baseball?
Why?
He wanted to play catch.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?
Insurance fraud.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
I love me a nice tight pussy. That's why I'm in big trouble with RSPCA.
Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"
Because the cheese got raped.
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
