Law Enforcement jokes
*trigger alert*
Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?
Because there were too many black holes.
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Police seek clues to explain Walmart.
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
To be wanted.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
What is the Mexican police number?
9 Juan Juan.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says, "moo moo."
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says mo mo.
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says maa maaa.
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
What happened when 800 hares got loose in the center of town?
The cops had to comb through the area.
What did one copper say to the other? C U.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.