Laughter jokes
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they don't laugh.
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
Eggs
You crack me up!
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome. Hehehehe😛😛😛
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Why do I tell bad jokes?
I'm a lesbian.
Me. I am the worst joke ever.
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.