Language jokes

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

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What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?

"It didn't happen, but it should have."

Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?

Answer: Because they already ate.

My teacher: Time can't count.

Me: Every second counts.

My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

What type of alphabet does an elf learn?

The elf-abet.

Your mama.

What did a cat say to the dog?

"I will kill and eat you hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehheehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheeehehehehehehehe"

Mike Oxlong.

I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.

Interfischl

Happy

Apple

Tea

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"

kapteyn = captain

Son: Daddy?

Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.

Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?

Dad: Wtf are you talking about?

Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?

Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc

Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.

Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz

Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em

Mom: What the fugde is going on?

Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.

Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?

Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.

Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.

Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??

Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!

Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.

Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!

Son: Huh

Son: Mom FUCK U*

Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off

Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

Son: Moms are the worst, are they?

Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "MOO!"

Orange: Hey.

Pear: Hey.

Orange: No hay!

Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."

My name has "anus" in it.