There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
Do you like doors?
Yes, because you are adoorable.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
Why tie when you can knot?
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
A man found out that he was going to die. A German doctor comes in and says “you have 10 more”. The man yells out “10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!”. And the doctor says ”No seconds” and the man says “9 SECONDS!!!” And the doctor says “Nine Ten Seconds” He asked “How many seconds do i have to live 10,9 , or..........” Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
