Language Jokes

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"

So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."

He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

Are you bisexual...

Or are you hellosexual?

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Steven.

I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.

BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

What did the ass say to the joke?

"You crack me up!"

How does a rapper apologize?

With a rap-ology!

Why did the rapper go to school?

To master the art of RAP-LETICS!

Q: What do gay horses say?

A: "Geigh!"

Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"

What's only book rapeboat ever read? Rhyming dictionary, he got no rhymes without it.

Q: What's a conspiracy theorist's favorite letter? A: Q.