Know jokes
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Roses are red,
I don't know what is brass.
I tell myself,
"Don't touch grass."
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
Why can't orphans play poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.