Know jokes
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
Sometimes orphans can't win spelling bees because they don't know how to spell "home."
I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
You know, they didn't add the word "retard" into the dictionary for nothing.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee?
They don't know what a house is.