Know-how jokes

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

Why are Mexican families so big?

They don’t know how to put a condom on.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

What did the plane say to the twin towers?

"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)