Know-how jokes

What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?

I know how to use an exercise band.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Do you know how Chinese people roast? They say, "Boy, if you don't get your chi chong head, boy!"

Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.

How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)

3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)

Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?

Because they don’t know where home is.

You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?

Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.

Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

Lmao, idiots don't know how to play Jenga.