How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.
Are you guys alright?
If you answered yes then you are wrong. You are all LEFT. Kill me, hmph.
(This joke was taken from that none funny b*tch on Britain's Got Talent)
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.
The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"
The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."
Hahaha
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!
"Piggy killed you with a bat because he is fat 0-0."
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
I killed myself, then woke up.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?
Helen Killer.
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
Remember kids.
Killing an AISH worker is a victimless crime.
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
