Kids jokes
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
What do Drake and math have in common? They’re both hard for kids.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"