Kids jokes

What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?

Van Halen's "Jump."

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What game do emo kids love the most?

Hangman.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

Why can't fat kids play poker?

They eat all the chips.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.