Kid jokes

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"

What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?

A disorder.

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.

Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"

Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.

RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)

Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.

A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.

A quiet kid brings an MP5.

Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?

Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.

Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Are you an orphanage?

Why?

Because I wanna put my kids in you.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.